Safety found in the lock of your embrace
Simple remembrance, my soul will take
I say so long, goodbye to this sad place
And curse you! As my heart is sure to break

But lo, your memory will always dwell
And my thoughts will linger for eternity
Just as your visage will always tell a tale
The fire we had will always burn in me.

Though death may do us part, I shall proclaim
Our love runs wild forever, and can’t be tamed.

Anyway, they were known as Babs And Her Brothers, and eventually The Smoothies.

The Smoothies (aka Babs And Her Brothers) from the cover of Down Beat magazine dated June 15, 1941. Excerpt from magazine: “One of the best-liked vocal groups in the game, The Smoothies are now part of the new Art Jarrett band, in its debut at Chicago’s Blackhawk restaurant. Charlie and Little Ryan are the boys, Babs Stewart the girl.” [Note: Ryan is the boys' last name ...they are brothers to each other, not to Babs.]

The vocal trio, formed in Chicago in 1930, joined Fred Waring’s (Pennsylvanians) radio broadcasts in 1933. One of the show’s sponsers was Old Gold cigarettes whose slogan was “America’s smoothest cigarette”. The trio would sing “You’re An Old Smoothie” during the commercials, hence the origin of their alternate name “The Smoothies”.

AWESOME RIGHT?!?!

In this vast network of sharks and minnows,
Where the minnows outnumber the sharks a million to one,
Why is it that we have yet to converge?
To take on the upperhand?
Why have we been so scared?

Well not today. not anymore. this is us growing up.
Still young, but no longer impressionable.
We have come to pillage.
We have come to burn.
We have come to incite the riot.
We have come to take it over!

Set Your Goals – Mutiny!

A band that will forever get me stoked.

Persistently dwelling on distressing situations from the recent or distant past (called rumination, as in that thing a cow does when it constantly rechews food) can be one of the most destructive mental habits. It’s closely linked to depression, and it can sap our confidence, our ability to solve problems, and our sense of control over our lives.

Ruminators repetitively go over events, asking big questions: “Why did that happen? What does it mean?”

I thought, “holy shit, this is me.”

I’ll say this up front: I have anxiety. I didn’t experience it until Summer 2010. No idea where it came from. I’ve had on and off depression since middle school. Mostly on. Maybe my anxiety branches from that, who knows? I’m a hypochondriac. Google is the my worst enemy. I google everything from medical conditions and symptoms, to relationship problems. I saw a therapist the same summer my anxiety started happening, and she diagnosed me with Dysthymia:

• Feelings of hopelessness
• Too little or too much sleep
• Low energy or fatigue
• Low self-esteem
• Poor appetite or overeating
• Poor concentration

Ok cool. No big deal right? What happens when it slowly takes over everything you once thought as normal, and shakes it up into one ball of WHATTHEFUCK? I think panic attacks are different for everyone, some people sweat, others hearts just pound really fast. Mine creep up on me. It feels like butterflies, when you’re excited about something. But they don’t go away, and when I notice them, I ask myself why I’m feeling this way. Then my stomach starts to churn and I feel sick, but I never throw up. I get chills all over my body, my breathing gets uneven, my throat feels like it’s closing up. I feel a sense of impending doom, so bad that I feel like I’m literally about to die. My head does this weird thing, where my vision will blur, and I’ll feel little electric shocks, but so quick it’s only for a blink of an eye.

I’ve gotten much better with handling them. I refuse to become agoraphobic because I’m scared to have a panic attack if I go anywhere. Even still, I can’t go to the movies without getting one. I can’t hang out with my friends at Cogans without getting one and wanting to go home. Whenever I take Connor with me to the mall I’ll have one because I know if he misbehaves it won’t be an easy escape. Almost every day at work I have one because I’m tucked in the back of the building with no windows or sunlight for 8 hours a day. It’s hard to eat, I used to weigh about 125, I’m down to almost 110. I get stomach aches; I’m stocked up on pepto bismol tablets and other antacids. I’ve had my “heart broken”, and because of this “ruminating” thing, it’s hard to get over. I think about it every day, and why it happened, and I question if my anxiety is to blame. Who wants to be around a sad, complaining worry wart all the time? I wouldn’t.

I’m convinced if I work hard to make certain aspects of my life better, my anxiety will go away. I’ll probably google ways to do that too.

My dear friend Kate recently spent 12 days in Lisbon. She posted photos on instagram which are already awesome, but she made a blog for all the other photos she took. Check them out!: http://good-morning-i-love-you.tumblr.com/

This is my formal apology! I’ll still use tumblr, but as for sharing my thoughts, dreams, and the like? I’ll do it here on my big girl blog… Once I get the hang of it.